Recently we attended my daughter’s high school band’s annual banquet.   It is a time for celebrating the accomplishments of the year and   honoring the band students. The band instructor has created a tradition   of assigning “adjectives” to each child as they come up to receive  their  pin, letter, or whatever other award they have earned that year.  This  is a sweet gesture to demonstrate the impressions the kids have  made on  her.
The challenge is, of course, that some of the adjectives she  chooses  aren’t always met with warm reception by the teenagers (or their   parents).  For example, one child was deemed extraordinary.  He felt   pretty good about that one, albeit perhaps a bit embarassed.  His   parents were beaming. 
Another child, however, was deemed shy.  The year   before she had been given naive.  She wasn’t too tickled with those   descriptors.  That girl wasn’t at the banquet, so the moment my daughter   heard the word she bust out laughing and texted the new adjective to   her friend.  I can imagine the rolling of eyes when the girl read it.   When her mother received her pin on the girl’s behalf, she clearly   stated, “my daughter said she is not shy!”   Another parent commented   privately how “at least this year’s word for my son was better than last   year’s.”
The teacher meant no harm.  Her intentions were pure.   She sincerely  enjoys these kids and wants to build a strong community  in the band  and with the associated families.  I think perhaps she just  doesn’t  realize that sometimes her adjectives are interpreted  differently by  other people.  The words.  The darned words.  People get  caught up in  the words used to describe them.  The words may be  well-intentioned,  well-researched, well-spoken, but they sometimes cause  angst,  confusion, or downright anger or insult.
In my work as a
  leadership consultant and people development  professional, I frequently  use the DiSC, MBTI, Birkman Method or other  personality profiles.  These  personality assessments help clients  understand themselves better,  including how others perceive them.  All  of these start with an  assessment where respondents are instructed to  choose which adjectives  (words) describe them best. 
The tools then  result in reports that  describe the person’s personality, behavioral  style, strengths,  opportunities for improvement, potential motivators,  stressors, etc.   The 
Everything DiSC reports that I am certified in  also go so far as to  suggest how others may interpret you based on your  style.  More words.
In  my experience, by far the majority of people LOVE these  assessments and  are amazed at how accurate the results are.  I’ll often  hear the  comment “it’s like you’ve been following me around with a  clipboard  observing my behavior.”  There are times, however, where  people take  exception to the front-end assessment or the resulting  report.  The  words.  They’ll argue that they aren’t really that way.   They’ll be  dismayed that they had to choose from words which they felt  none  described them well.  Or, conversely, they don’t like choosing  words  when they all describe them well.  Sometimes they are offended  that a  report might suggest someone might perceive them as “bossy,”   “demanding,” “overly analytical,” “overly talkative” …
The main  line of reports I distribute and work with are from Inscape  Publishing.   I know the team at Inscape, they are competent, smart and  compassionate  people.  They go to great pains to thoroughly research,  analyze and  choose the right words for the assessments and the  resulting reports.   Collectively, we go to great strides to emphasize  that these are  strengths-based assessments and that the reports suggest  “possible”  behavior, “potential” perceptions.  And sometimes the words  still sting.
So,  what word(s) best describe you?  None of us can be summed up in a   single word.  Our behavior is not singular.  It is flexible,  adaptable,  ranging, and variable moment by moment, situation by  situation.  Can  sets of words describe you?  Well, yes, typically we  all have a pattern  of behavior that will evoke a certain set of  descriptors, used by  ourselves and hopefully, if we are self-aware and  manage ourselves well,  used by others as well.  There will be positive  words, and yes,  Virginia, there will be some words with a bit of sting  probably too as  we all have a opportunities for growth.
The key is not to be  offended by the words.  Don’t reject them.   Don’t wholesale “buy” them  either.  Think about your words.  Think  about what that word means to  you.  Consider why someone else may apply  that adjective to you.  Then  consider, as Dr. Phil says, how’s that  working for you?  If you don’t  like the word.
Don’t be offended.  Do  something to change it.  If you  do like the word.  Excellent!   Celebrate that and do more of it!  We can  all be whichever words we  want.
Maybe the question isn’t “what  word are you?”  Maybe, instead it is  “what word do you want or need to  be, today, tomorrow, in the meeting,  with your family, at any given  moment.”  My word for right now is  “finished.”
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